SO this is it. This is how it feels to not think about you. To be quite frank, I am in love with this moment. I am in love with the moment that I never think about you, you never crawl into my mind. And, this is all thanks to you. I was right about you from the beginning. You never change; you constantly keep coming back to me expecting me to fall to my knees. And, you are right; I always fall to my knees for you. But not this time, the only thing you will see is my back, me walking away from you.
I realized something I should have realized two years ago. You are no longer the man you used to be with me, and I am no longer the woman I used to be. We have changed, I mean, it has been two years. You keep bringing me back into your web, which makes it more difficult to walk away each and every time. But this time, I have realized something that I always failed to realize. I realized that I do not need to deal with all this. I am not the type of girl that will let you walk all over me and get what you want out of me. I will no longer be there for you, be your rock. I will no longer answer that phone call, nor your sweet text messages. I will not come see you when your time of need arrives. Because quite frankly, you were never there during my times of need.
I never thought this day would arrive. To be frank, I always thought we would have ended up being together and getting married. I would be wearing a very expensive Vera Wang dress, and you would be wearing an incredibly sexy Hugo Boss suit. We would have such an extravagant wedding; the kind every little girl wishes for. We would then follow to the best 5 star hotel on the island of Montreal and make love for the first time as husband and wife. Bringing this image back into my head makes me rush for my phone and message you. Makes me run to the car and head straight to your bed. But I will stay strong this time. I will always love you, dear lover, but it no longer is the kind of love that I used to feel. It no longer is that powerful love that could destroy a city. I miss it, but I regret the day I met you. I had a broken heart for two years because of you. I messed up future possible lovers for your sake, thinking that you would come back. I have left men for you, I have even thrown men away for you. And whenever something happens with someone, I immediately compare them to you... And you always rank on top. However, I must stay strong. I must remember those horrible things you seldom said to me. I have to make them more occurring to make me forget the good memories. Forget our times together, our kisses, our love, us.
It has been two years since we have been together. During these past two years, I have wondered, and I have thought crazy scenarios in my head. I have dreamt of us two being together again. It even came very close to happening. How much I would love that right now. However, you being yourself, and I being myself... It will never work. We have put too much hard work into it to let it revive itself. It died, long ago and no matter how hard we try to make it work and live again; it will never live up to our expectations. It will wither away and die quicker than we can see it happen.
So, say goodbye.
Goodbye, old lover.
No comments:
Post a Comment