Some effort

AFTER 4 months of us being apart, I received a call. It was written 'private' on my cell phone, and I usually do not answer blocked numbers. However, for some reason, this time I decided to answer.

“Hello?” “Hi A, do you know who this is?” For a split second I was in shock, I was not sure, it could not be him. “No, who is this?” “It’s R… How have you been? I have missed you…” It was him… I have missed hearing that voice on the other side of the telephone. What a bad time to reach me. I was at my friend’s house, and we were getting ready to go out. To clear my mind, to do something with myself. I left my friends, and went into her bedroom for some privacy. We spoke for a good thirty minutes—at least. You told me about your heart surgery, how it went, how you felt. How your sweet mother worried, how I would have worried if I had known. I resented you for not letting me in. You told me you left me because you needed to be alone for the time being. I resented you because I wanted to be there for you, and care for you in your time of need. How does that even make sense? Leaving someone because you want to be alone during a life-threating surgery? I knew about your condition, and I was ready to fight it with you. I would have visited you at the hospital with love and kisses. Hold your hand and spend hours on end with you. How did you see it in your head? Instead, you were alone. You apologized (kind of) and said that you miss me. Your sweet words always make everything go away, it is incredible that power that you have on me. 

You told me the current situation you were in, and I felt strange about it. You had a fiancee, but at the same time, you did not have one; it was complicated. We soon got off the phone and I was in shock. What was I supposed to say to that? What was the proper way to react? Your parents were forcing a marriage on you, but you refused to cooperate due to your feelings for me. That was the point of your phone call; to get that off your chest. It kills me that I cannot remember what had happened after this phone call. All I remember was one night I was laying on my bed and talking to you on the phone. You were asking me if I still thought about you, if I missed you. I refused to answer; I was still upset for you leaving me. And then you asked me “do you still love me?” and I did not answer that either. And then you said it… “A, I need to know. I need to know because I still think about you, and I want to be with you. Do you still love me? (it doesn’t matter if I do I would say) Yes it does matter, because I still love you.” My heart beated faster than I can describe… To hear you say those words to me after so long, it was another feeling. You don’t understand; I wanted to tell you at that moment how much I long for you, how much I adore you. I held myself back; my pride over took my heart. I wanted to run back to you, at that exact moment. But, I could not give in to you that easily, I thought that you must work for it, make an effort. I wanted you to prove to me that you will not run away again once the days become tough, and that you will be there during my days of need. But not only that, I wanted to feel that extraordinary love that a man feels for his woman, which makes him go to unlimited lengths for her. I wanted to be swept off of my feet, and feel your love inside me. I want to feel that fairy tale love, and not be able to breathe properly. Where were you to do that for me? You were my prince, but you never treated me like your princess. 

So, believe it or not sweetheart… If you had just made a little effort, you would have had me at the blink of an eye. That was all that I wanted, and I had mentioned to you to make an effort if you really want me. What was your response? “Come over, I’ll show you.” You never made the effort to come to me. Sweet-heart, habibi, my love, where were you? 

All I asked for was some kind of effort…