Take a look,

xx

People always leave,

SOMETIMES,  it gets so bad that I can hardly concentrate. I can hardly keep my mind focused on something for a certain amount of time, and lately, I lack the basic motivation to do what I love the most—to write. I never write. I never read. I barely have any friends in this city either. I have been here for almost a year and I do not try to make any new relationships. I actually push people away and force them to stop calling me. Why? Because I am not in the mood. I do not feel like going through that separation I always go through. I am tired of getting close to someone and then seeing them walk away slowly. I am tired of not having enough energy to walk after them. No matter how quickly I run after them, they still manage to walk quicker than I am running. The faster I run, the quicker they are getting away. So, I stay behind, and I let them walk right out of my life, with only their shadows in view.

I am tired of giving my all to someone and see them leave with it. I try hard to make people happy, and to give them what they need. I try hard to be there for people in their times of need. I go out of my way for them, and they all know that. However, when my time arrives when I need someone, where have they gone?

People enter your life just as quickly as they part from it. It’s inevitable. People do not notice what they leave behind, and the mess they have created—leaving that person behind to pick up the pieces and attempt to walk away.

I have become so accustomed to seeing people’s backs, that I have grown a completely different perspective on people. I no longer see the need to try and repair the friendship, or to fight for the other person—because eventually, that person will slowly turn around and walk away from my life for good. This constant need to try to fix everything and everyone has gone quite too far. I always put myself in the position of the helper, but I lack a helper for my needs. The few times I cried for help, I cried into wall. No one heard me. No one saw me. No one knew. No one tried to know either, and they just kept walking away as I stayed behind. The energy I waste by crying for help can easily be transferred to the process of repairing my own wounds.

I no longer fight. I no longer chase down the people I want in my life, nor the people I miss being in my life. I no longer expect things from people.

Do what you do best, and walk away. But darling, this time, you will see my back before I see yours.