Wings are for flying

DURING your days, do you ever feel so tired, ready to collapse and fall asleep? Do you feel restless the moment you slide into your bed? I feel that constantly. Every morning is a battle to get out of bed, regardless of how long I have slept for. And at night, I play a game with myself to see how long I can stay awake. For the fear of that silent moment when I close my eyes and lay on my pillow. The moment where I lay restless and think of you. Think of us, of what we could have been. It has been two years, but I still think about it. As much as I should hate you, and curse your name, I will never do such a thing. You are engraved in my heart, and it pains me to admit it.

You broke my heart. More than once, more than a person can endure by one person. I left relationships for you. I left school for you. I left my family for you. I left my friends for you; what more could I do? I agreed to keep the past in the past, not bring up the bad memories and the countless times you have fucked up. But yet, it still is not enough somehow. 

For the moment, I cannot stand the thought of being in your presence. I know that the next time I will see you I will beg for an explanation. I will push you if you come close to me, and cut you off before you can call me your sweetheart. I will accuse you of being a horrible person, and that I never want to hear from you. I will push you away and try to walk away. I will shout, and I will cry - I might even cat fight you. Most of all, I would fall to my knees the moment you lay eyes on me. I would fall so quickly that I would lose all control. Somehow you still possess that power over me.

If there is anything I would ask of you, it would not be for us to be together (although that would be a close second). It would be to leave my thoughts in peace, and let me walk away freely. Hand me the wings that have fallen off and let me fly away. I need to separate you from my thoughts.

I need to separate you from my mind. I need to separate the thought of you and I. I need to take these broken wings and learn to fly away.