Walk away,

I do not understand what happened. We got so close, so fast and it was amazing. You told me how amazing it felt to be with me and that you would never let me go. You also said that you would never disappear and that you will always be there with, or for me. I was starting to fall for you, and I thought  you were too. My friends said we looked in love and happy, and they were right, I was always happy when I was around you. You were nice and caring to me, and held me tight when I had a headache. I always knew that I could count on you, I never thought badly of you and I could not wait until the next time I would come and see you.

But it soon all changed, and it changed quite quickly. We stopped skyping, and barely spoke to each other on Facebook. You rarely texted me, and called me about every two days. That was fine, I had school work and you were buried with work from your demanding job. I never asked to speak to you everyday, we live two hours apart; it’s bound to happen. I understand that the distance gets quite difficult at times, and maybe sometimes we need time apart from out computer screens, or mobile phones but I always knew that you were there. But I realized a change before it all happened. We stopped talking as much and I asked why and you simply stated, “why? Because I don’t pay attention to you anymore?” Just as cold as it sounds. I was not sure what to say, I did not want to seem like a crazy fool. The problem was not that you were not paying attention to me, the problem was that when we did speak–every two days, you were cold with me. That was the problem. But, I let that go.

Until that two-day gap turned into a week. I called you a few times during that week, and it rang for a minute and brought me to your voicemail. I texted you once, and when I messaged you on Facebook, you went offline. A week later you call me. “Hi stranger,” you said nonchalantly. I acted as cool as ice, never breaking it. I never once acted as if I were hurt, or angry with you. I made it seem as if I did not care; just like you did, I told you about the good grades I have been getting lately and you replied with, “I guess I should stop talking to you more often.” Which irritated the fuck out of me—as if it is because that you have not been speaking to me that my grades are high; foda-se. The only question that I asked you was why you have been avoiding me. You told me that you were not avoiding me, that your cell phone was dead, “again” since you left your plug at work, “again” (as if the only way to get into contact with me was through a cell phone). I let that one go, there is no point in fighting about something that I have lost. I lost you. You ended the conversation because you wanted to go eat and that you will speak to me later. “I’ll speak to you next week then,” I said. So far, that timing is correct. It has been 4 days.

I do still have feelings for you, and I still want to be with you. But, I do not want to be with you. After everything that I have told you, and after everything you have told me… You are disappearing on me, even though you told me you would never. You are letting me go, even though you told me you would never. You are losing touch with me, even though you said you would never. You are not there for me anymore, even though you said you would always. You do not care for me anymore, even though you said you would always.

I told you I will always care for you, but I will force myself to stop. I thought you would be there for me during this difficult journey in my life; but I will let go and walk alone.